Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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