I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
