Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
