theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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