girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
