Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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