Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
