Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
