I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
