cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
