Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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