Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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