either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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