i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
