I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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