Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
