the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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