Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
