My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
