Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my liver is dry heaving
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
