Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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