I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
