Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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