I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
there is glitter all over my balls
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
