It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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