Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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