trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
