yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
