Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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