I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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