I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
