I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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