it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Randomize
