he shaved USA in his pubs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize