The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
