How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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