So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize