Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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