You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
