i would punch a child for taco bell
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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