Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
