are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
