I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im part way to drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
