There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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