My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize