I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
