Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
