4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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