after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize