Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
