i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
